It’s not fair!
By Psyche | June 27, 2008
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The Globe and Mail recently ran an article in their Life section titled “How to set an unfair rule (yes, it’s acceptable)” about perceived double standards, a sentiment I encounter quite a bit among friends, co-workers and human beings in general.
The article, written by clinical psychologist Anthony Wolf, looks at the rules set for one child, and how the rules can differ for the second in the same situation:
“Yeah, my father set the rule with Miranda: She could have friends over with no adults. Federal Statute 6388 clearly states: If it’s the rule with one child, it has to be the same rule with a different child. I mean, everybody knows that. It’s the law.”
Actually, it isn’t the law. But the majority of kids today probably believe deep in their hearts that there really is an unwritten law that, within the same family, rules have to be the same for each child at a comparable age.
This, of course, extends beyond the family unit. Think of the co-worker, loyal for the past ten years, annoyed s/he didn’t receive a promotion – instead it went to some new kid who’d joined the company less than a year ago. Is that fair? Probably.
“Garrett, I know we let Miranda have friends over. But they’re not going to make trouble. I worry when it’s you and Timmy that the two of you will get into mischief, like last time when you stole liquor, made prank calls and broke the lamp in the TV room from your wrestling.”
“What does that have to do with anything? You let Miranda do it and you say I can’t. It’s not fair.”
Standards must been set, and if they’re not met, there’s no reason to expect a reward. This sense of entitlement based on age, gender, appearance, social status – it’s presumptuous to a fault.
In short, that co-worker quite simply may be not be qualified for the promotion – tenure is not earning it.
Sometimes other issues supersede fairness. It is part of the development of a more mature and nuanced moral system. Fair is important, but sometimes there are more significant aspects to take into consideration.
Wolf’s sense of “fairness” seems skewed. Is it fair to those who successfully meet the criteria to reward unruly behaviour or poor performance as if these things were equal? How would that be reasonable?
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Category: Essays & Opinion,Philosophy
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Growing up, my sister and I had equal rules within the family, she was two years older, and any freedom or responsibility she got, I got two years later. We were pretty much on the same level, when it came to being well behaved and responsible though.
My little sisters on the other hand, have completely different rules, my littlest sister is allowed far more responsibility than the sister two years older. As an outsider, I first found that a bit unfair, but then I got to see their behaviour more, and really it should be that way.
I don’t get people’s random sense of entitlement. Thinking just cause they’re older, or been somewhere longer, or what have you, that they should get the prime cut. Other than the freak occurrences all life is cause and effect in your life, you earn your rewards, you shouldn’t be handed them. But for some reason people don’t get this, and I truly don’t get why.
I believe everyone should have an equal opportunity to attain such things, but not to be given them.
I’m the eldest, and my siblings always got to do things at an earlier age than I was permitted, but they grinned and thanked me for paving the way – smoothing the ‘rents over for them, as it were.
That was childhood.
Today I see co-workers upset they’re not promoted based on years in the company rather than job performance and aptitude. I read about initiates not making the next degree though they’ve been with an order a given time.
One talks about leaving the company in a huff. The other that it’s not “worth it”.
It boggles the mind.